Paranoia

This poem just popped into my head after reading "Adam and Eve and Pinch me" by Ruth Rendell. That woman and her writing is sheer genius! I sure hope i did justice to her capture of a mind in the throes of Paranoia!

Image courtesy: peterrollins.net

I can’t shut my eyes

I cannot sleep

These horrid flitting thoughts

My brain just can’t keep


My mind seems curious

And makes conclusions own

My body responds in rhyme

In a strikingly similar tone


Five W’s and one H

Have ruined my life enough

Yet I cannot seem to get my fill

Of cruelty’s love so tough


So doubtful I am

Paranoia seems the next station

I worry and wither with fever on my brow

My brain dying in ration


I constantly rerun the stories in my head

Such stinking rotten stuff

It keeps my eyes open without a flutter

Till a painful sun comes up


A smile that hides something sinister

On me it surely takes a toll

Trust is but a lousy football game

With no keeper at my goal


I know I shouldn’t ask questions

But I constantly do

And then fall into abject misery

Within torturous minutes few


Quite possibly since there’s nothing to do

I lie awake and grieve

At my slowly sinking, stupid soul

From which happiness has taken a permanent leave


I search for answers everywhere

It further complicates things

It wouldn’t have mattered if I had taken

Everything to be nothing but cheap flings


Though I behave like a princess happy

In a pretty little sparkly dream

My actual life’s a horror movie

With my mouth open in a permanent scream


To give back trust and to believe

Seems the hardest task on earth

I would rather roast my arm off

Over a flaming hot, undying hearth


I lay in my bed quiet

And pray to not go mad

But what can I do when my mind’s the one

That’s taught me that everything can only be bad


Life’s not great I wish I could tell

Anyone who enters it with a smile

Can’t take anymore, I want to end it all

So what do you think? Should I?