“Oh! I can’t stand that guy!”
“Why is she like that?”
“Omg! I can’t believe he just did that!”
“Why does she keep doing that?”
I agree…the above statements are completely unrelated but lo! And behold life does a twist because I declare them related and that too with one common thread.
Think! When does one use such sentences? Yep that’s right! Such sentences come right before a volcanic eruption of curses and right after someone does something excruciatingly irritating!
It’s funny what people find irritating! And trust me I am the epitome of “things some people may not mind but I find killing!” Like for instance, a funny thing I find irritating is my brother! I mean he opens his mouth and I get irritated! Trust me its not the poor boy’s fault, he just wants to make a conversation… though most of them are jam packed with “Buy me the latest Nokia phone!” and “Buy me the Ipod Touch” and “Buy me those Nike sneakers” and so on and so forth until I give a glare hot enough to melt an iceberg, say “BUY BUY!” and kick him out!
Keeping my absurd nature in mind, I decided to make the ultimate list. A list that is the final word on “Things If followed will not earn a punch in the gut from Teenu!”
Without further ado, here are the top 20 things I completely loathe and absolutely exasperate me to the core!
I get bloody irritated:
1) When people chew with their mouths wide open. Look I am happy you like food too but hello! I’d rather see the full thing on a plate rather than half masticated bits sliding down your throat!
2) When people look over my shoulder and read the same thing I am reading. If you like the damn book so much, go frigging buy your own copy and let me turn the page in peace!
3) When people sing along to my favorite song. I played the song to listen to the singer and not to your voice! Imagine if you had a shitty voice as well! Double infuriation!
4) When people keep interrupting when I speak. The reason I have my mouth open is because I have a few more words hanging out my teeth and unfortunately yours seems to be jumping into mine!
5) When people stand in front of the TV during my favorite show. The TV is on because I want to watch it and trust me your butt in my face just does not appeal in anyway.
6) When people tap their feet or drum their fingers or make tsking sounds in time to anything and everything! I mean come on not everything is the world is so damn rhythmical! What if I blast a bomb in your ear? Would you still tap your feet?
7) When people continue jabbering oblivious to the fact that I am in just no mood to talk! Doesn’t my scrunched up face and bared teeth and red, bulgy eyes mean anything to you at all?
8) When people put on fake accents. One look at your face and I can tell you whether you are from America or Amjikarei, Paris or Pandikudy so just remove the banana from your goddamn mouth and talk like a normal person.
9) When people show off. I am so glad that god has gifted you with all those amazing things you rattle on about. Do you know what you have to be glad about? The fact that I don’t put on some football spikes and shove my foot up your behind!
10) When people play double games. Please for heavens sake don’t be a boat. Nobody likes a slimy suck up! Either you like someone or you don’t! Smiling and getting all whiney when the one you hate yet are forced to love shows up does not get you any friends!
11) When people make me wait. If I liked that I would be hovering around tables wearing a white apron and a name tag saying “I hate you!”
12) When people show attitude for no apparent reason. You have attitude! Awesome! Now why do you have it? Yeah sometimes even you can’t explain why. That’s when you should either set your face back to normal or just melt into the ground.
13) When people mistreat animals. How would you like it if I tied you to a post and whipped your back? Does not sound too kinky now does it?
14) When kids act like grown ups. There is a reason you are called KIDS, kids. You have not grown up yet! Let’s leave the grown up activities to adults now shall we?
15) When people who don’t even know me bitch about me. Next time you spread a nasty rumor, why not check with me? I could give you a juicier one to spread!
16) When people snore. Ok I know its not your fault but when you are stuck in a train bogey with no escape except jumping off the train, trust me one tends to think up evil thoughts of murder!
17) When parents don’t control their kids in the movie hall. Brats running around screaming and jumping on people and kicking the seats from behind…I’m going to carry a real scary mask with me for my next movie. One peep from any kid and I swear I’ll make it wet its little shorts!
18) When people whine! If you have so many problems I know who you can talk to. Let me spell it out for you…P-S-Y-C-H-I-A-T-R-I-S-T. Maybe it’s all in your stupid head!
19) When relatives flock around giving comments about my weight and marital status. If I want to know my weight I will check a weighing machine and if my singledom is such a problem to you, I’ll get a huge and ferocious Doberman trained to attack if anyone mentions the word “MARRIAGE”.
20) When people compare. Everyone is made unique people! The next time you pull a stunt like that I am going to compare you to the most ridiculous things in the world. Like maybe comparing your hair to a toilet brush or your smile to a long dog turd! Sheesh!
Phew! That was a load off my chest! There are way too many to list but this should do for now.
Do you have something you loathe lemme know! I’ll squeeze it into my next list!