Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The "Check up" Syndrome

Have you ever been a victim of the “Check up” Syndrome?

Is your answer no to the above question? Or are you confused about what it means?
Read on…

Have you ever had random strangers weigh your qualities even without having seen you?
Have you heard amazing stories about yourself from others? Some that may have never happened?
Have you ever felt like wringing that certain someone’s neck because those particular stories?

Are your answers to these questions yes?

Then you indeed have become a victim of the “Check-up” Syndrome!

Oh don’t worry you wont be victim of the check up until you are about marriageable age.
This is how it goes. Imagine this scenario:
A girl gets a proposal. Girl likes guy and guy likes girl. A romance ensues for about 3 days. On the 4th day the calls, mails and chats abruptly stop. The boy’s family declares that the girl is not suitable enough for their darling son!
The reason? A family friend heard from the second cousin of the sister-in-law of a close friend (who used to study in the same college as that of the girl) that the girl was notorious for her string of affairs while in college! Egad! How true that bit of information could be!!

People with this syndrome just cannot accept a happily ever after in any person’s life! They go to any lengths to become the inevitable thorn that punctures the wheel, the loose cog that destroys a well oiled machine…well you get the drift!

I had done a bit of profiling in “Witches, snitches and plain bitches” but come to think of it…individuals with this particular syndrome dates back a while!

Like the time a proposal was stopped on the way to my aunt’s place. Imagine this! The cretin actually stopped the car halfway to the house and said something so fusty about my aunt, the proposed boy turned tail and was never heard from again!

Most of the info gathered about a proposed guy or girl would be gathered via the IAMGV (The Internationally Acclaimed Marriage Grape Vine). The grimy vultures part of this intimate circle have to keep up to date with all known marriage information. For eg: who is getting married to whom but is actually a better match for whom, the number of girls a potential guy has “moved around” with, how slutty a girl is and so much more!

Now the question arises as to where asinine information gets cooked up! This happens if a member is not up to date on the information floating around and if questioned just has to make up some info in order to save face! It’s a terrible sin to be part of the IAMGV and not know! Punishable indiscretion indeed!
And how could I be so sure? Personal experience dears! As per IAMGV records I have been heavy with child about 10 times, have had a personal porn CD made and date only muslim guys!!!! There are times when calls have gone to the proposed boy’s house with defamatory comments and well you know the drill!

Once I actually tracked down the lady (Hardly a lady and more like a pig in a saree- who of course attended all possible forms of prayer meetings and bible readings!! Please note that sometime then most pious are the deadliest!) Responsible for these rumours and her side of the story? She’d heard it from a cousin’s husband’s cousin twice removed!! And she wasn’t sure about any of the information, but when she was asked about me she felt it her duty to convey what she had “heard about” me!!!
I said fair enough and also said a few things to her that she would never in her life be able to “CONVEY” to anyone else without having to see the pope for confession first!

I understand that the families need to know each other a little before even meeting but declaring the girl a slut or the guy a brain zero even before the proposal catches wind is far flung from the normal!
And who gives the role of “checkers” to these numbskulls anyhow? Self righteous goodie two shoes who are actually slimy gits of the highest order affecting the proper functioning of forget a single household but the world to be exact!!!!!

This is the decision I have made! I track down the root story teller who spreads delightful tales about me and tell them some ridiculous story I have “heard” about them (throw in a couple of doctored pics and I’m set!!)!
Sure it sounds crazy and most of you would wonder why I would follow such a painstaking route and all of you would stick with “why bother? Just leave it be!” but know something? The happiness and satisfaction that I would get from seeing the freaking shit scared out of these spineless worms would be rapture raised to the power of n!!!

I’m hooked for life!! :)


  1. Bravo T..

    Fuck those bastards, filthy douchebags !!

  2. Woman who is more like a pig in a saree...? Ha ha ha ha ... you are funny woman ... Love ya!