PHAT Fat!

I must admit, I have put on… erm...a few kilos since my college days! Blame it on depression, blame it on rough competition, blame it on the nice samosa, sandwich and chayya kada right next to office and blame it on the new restaurants sprouting all across Chennai!
Woe is me I happen to be a food lover! I have to try every single eatery in the city, ranging from the Rs.10 for a dosa place a Rs.250 a dosa place! And the variety of cuisines I like ranges from; well to put it in short, everything to everything!! I don’t have huge quantities of food (except for rice ) but I have rich (rich to the power of cholesterol) food!
Add another woe is me to the list…I am a girl!
For me being a girl just leads to one concluding point: Marriage!! I have seen several friends of mine being “rejected” because they are FAT (as per the guy and his parents! And since I am supposed to get married soon, I am forbidden from gastronomical delights by my entire family in an attempt to get me back into my 36-25-36 (I dare not mention my current vital stats, I would be forbidden memberships in exclusive boutiques!)
Now this is by no means fair! Feel an example coming on? Hah! I’ve got 2!!

Example: 1- The Platypus

Along came a proposal…a guy as eligible as can be! Australia, Engineer, tall (5’8’’is tall for my folks) and as handsome as Johnny Depp!! I sat waiting for the pics of the guy to download and when it did, I almost suggested an optician to my parents as far from resembling Depp he looked more like a duck billed platypus!!! No jokes! His complexion was nothing to boast about and over all he looked like maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger covered in muck and dressed as a platypus. It was quite a shock! But I’m all about pleasing my parents y’know. We had an enjoyable evening over snacks and shakes with platy, my brother, his sister, my sister and me. The parents were happy and they were till the dreaded call! “Mon feels that Teenu is a little on the plump side and he thinks they will not match sooooo….” I was not allowed Chinese that night and I think I cursed platy so bad, his bill would have grown down to his navel and his non existent tail hung proudly from his stinking arse!

Example: 2- The Mon

This was the worst proposal ever! The guy seemed so open and wonderful over the phone I thought well ok let’s give you a chance then! Talks progressed and he seemed rather well how shall I put it different from me…I did voice this to my folks saying that the guy will reject me after he meets me. Oh pish posh! They said and brushed it aside and asked me to be on my best behavior. Once I was not able to pick his call (courtesy a brilliant headache) and as per my parents I was avoiding his calls and then came a row that lasted for 2 months. My mum and I didn’t speak to each other AT ALL…I was not even wished on my birthday and all for this one idiotic guy who called me “TINA” instead of “TEENU” every time he called. GRRRR!!!!
Anyways I had to come see him and he was zapped after we spoke and was extremely silent the remainder of the time.
Anyways his folks called up and said that they felt I was too fat and that they wanted a girl from a lower family!!! I mean what’s the deal here?

I don’t understand the aversion that people have toward a marriage ready girl who is slightly plump!!! The moment a girl turns 19, she is put on this “for a lifetime” diet to appear slim and svelte! And the guys can be as fat as you please! It’s just so unfair!

Ladies! Hear Ye! Hear Ye! If people around you say you’re fat, smile and F you! You are beautiful woman! Love the way you are and if there is a man out there who loves you for exactly the way you are….then grab your net and don’t let that whale get away!!!