Friday, January 29, 2010

Bring on the ONE on ONEs!

There was a time in my life where the word INTERVIEW used to set aquiver my bone marrow! I used to get so freaked out and I would become so panicky, anyone who was within a radius of 5 m from me would say bye bye to the interview and ride away into the sunset! I was notorious for this! In fact, people referred to me as the “Queen of the DANG!” like DANG she made me forget my opening line! DANG she gave me clammy hands! Etc…
Come the testing years and now miss-queen-of-the-DANG is officially miss-cool-and-confident-I-breeze-through-interviews!
Go ahead…ask me how!!

Well…constant practice does this!
Imagine if you get to face roughly about 6 guys every 2 weeks and sit in a chair all flustered as they do a cross section on your likes and dislikes and your past boyfriends and how well you cook and whether you would cry too much if you were in the states after marriage?? Well…you too would be damn good at interviews!!

Let’s look at the important sections in an interview:

=) The entry =) Opening line =) The pleasantries =) The DFI =) Conflict resolution
=) The Closing
Believe it or not, the same applies for every proposal that comes along! I used to be bashful (shudder!!) and get completely tongue tied at one point in time when I was not used to the questions fired away by the guy. It was like I was even more accessible than a wikipedia and for the heck of it guys shot questions at me trying to elicit the right answer!
Nowadays, however, I could give Dee Dee a run for her money! I sometimes feel sorry for the guys who come to see me in recent times as they start sweating and fidgeting around on the chair so bad, my mum had to get the covers changed at least twice!
My secret? I listen! I listen for catch points on which I could make guys squirm like worms with just a single question.

Here’s a teensy gander: (Pls note: This is a total recall from one of my past proposals!)

Dad: “So Molle, why don’t you and B have a small chat?”

(I nod and stand with such confidence and speed, for a moment the guy actually blinks!)

Me: “This way B”

(I sit after he does and thus begins the pleasantries)

B: “Your house is great! This is yummy food! Your mum is so pretty!”
Me: “You are rather generous with your compliments B! Thank you” (Accent with a rather fake laugh which B joins in with obvious pleasure!)
Me: “So, B, your bio-data seems quite impressive!”
B: “Yeah! Of course! I am a jack of all trades!”
Me: “Hmmm….and I hope you are a master of all as well, because it would be terrible if you were the master of none as the proverb you used clearly states”

(Slight pause)

B: “Of course! I am a master of all! Ha ha!
(Sad Duck! But he’s about to take his revenge)

B: “So, you seem to be a clever outgoing girl! You must have had a lot of admirers! Any boyfriends?”

Me: “Oh thanks for the compliment! I would be lying if I said I would not have had any contact with the opposite sex. The term boyfriend is quite subjective! It would differ from situation to situation! Not that I have not had a fair share of dates but I was looking for that someone special…but B for you to ask this question on just our first meeting makes you come off as the modern, open type. So I can guess its safe to assume that you would have had some girlfriends in your life?”

(Rather pronounced pause…a little bit of sweating)

B: “No! No! Me girlfiriends? Never!”

Me: “Hmmm…in today’s world, I would consider someone saying no to the question I asked as lying. But since you seem to be so sure of yourself I am forced to accept that.
So tell me…how’s a guy who has never been in a relationship with a girl so certain that he will be able to settle down with one for the rest of his life?”

I can assure you girls that by this time, the guy would have started the shifting around rather violently in his seat.

(Enter my mum with a platter of some more nibbles so as to ease the tension in the air! Bs hands spasm slightly as he accepts the plate of treats from my mum. My mum looks at me. Her eyes seem like saucers. This was obviously her way of telling me to knock it off! I smile back!)

B: “So what you feel about the future?”
Me: “In terms of? Is it work? Or marriage? Or kids? Or living together? Or the political debacle the world is facing?”
B: “Marriage of course! I mean what else would we be discussing right now?”
Me: “Well B, you seem to be someone who leaps and then looks back with regret! I mean I thought this was a conversation centered on knowing each a little better, not that we can do that much justice in 10 minutes and not about marriage as such. I mean I am sure you agree with me on that!”

(B’s violent head shaking determines that he did agree and he also agreed with me on the fact that he leaped and then looked with regret at even daring to sit opposite me and have a chat!)

B: “Er…lets get back shall we?”
Me: “No problem at all! Great talking to you!”

Ladies and gentlemen, VENI, VIDI, VICI!!


  1. amazing.. yaar.. gud one!!

  2. Man... B must have needed a serious change of pants.. most people are just not used to people being so direct... more so for malu men...

    I'm not actually sure what is expected of women... From my interactions with malu men my perception is that they want a hybrid between their mother and Anjelina Jolie... free thinking, speaking women need not apply...

    In a country with infinite potential, the most intelligent people (most beautiful women) and possibly the richest history... its amazing we can be so backward... I look forward to the day when individualism is celebrated...and not ridiculed...

    Kudo's to you Teens for taking a stand... 1 down...999 999 999 to go...

  3. Please Please tell me that "All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental."!!!!!

    Please !!!