Everyone once in a while one would experience a feeling of embarrassment. It could be because one fell flat on one’s face in front a crowd of strangers (Actually friends are worse) or maybe you farted out real loud again in a crowd of strangers (friends are still worse!)! But it’s just a once in a month moment or for those lucky few, once in a lifetime!
Now into each lifetime an individual falls and this individual would be the epitome embarrassment to oneself. The rate of bloopers for this individual would be one a DAY and this person would be such a blooperific joy, any crowd for that matter would love having him/her around just for the laughs!
My roomie is one such individual. She had so many mishaps that we actually named a hospital (which is almost like her second home) after her: BILLroth to JEWELroth! (I really didn’t want to hide her name! LOL).
The reactions of people who heard about the mishaps quickly changed from “Oh my god! Is she all right?!!?” to “Oh…ok. Tell her I said hi!” Yeah it was quite frequent you see!
At JEWELroth the doctors and nurses warmly greet her by name “Oh Jewel! You’re back! What is it now?” followed by a huge smile!
Let me take you through some of those ghastly goof ups now shall I? (Not all goof ups include trips to the hospital though!) These are some of the gems in her blooper collection!
The Tummy trip: Jewel had a bad tummy ache and naturally like every other individual, she thought some warmth to the region might help but unlike every other individual, she took a plastic bottle with a loose cap, filled it with boiling water and proceeded to roll it over her tummy…I received a phone call in 5 mins flat and through the wails could make out 3 words: “Tummy…burn…hospital!” The doc was never so exasperated! “Have you not heard of waterbags, madam? Next time please stick to that” he implored!
Manniqumin: Jewel was out clothes shopping and was trying on dress after dress…she was trying to reach out and grab a dress on a hanger but was blocked by a stranger sitting in the way. How she tapped her foot and hissed, excused herself and clicked her tongue! Whatever she did, the guy would not budge! She even tried stamping his foot to no avail and finally screamed “EXCUSE ME!!” The guy would not even blink…of course he wouldn’t he was a mannequin after all!
Infuriating machines: For the hundredth millionth time, Jewel’s office keyboard was not working properly! None of the numbers of letters were appearing on screen, no matter how hard she ground her fingers into the keys! Infuriated, she screamed for the maintenance guy who came over, stared at her desk and her grinding fingers and said “madam, maybe you should stop typing on the calculator and use the keyboard instead!”
Stuck outside: Jewel was on the way to the client’s office for a very important meeting. It was almost time for her to walk in and the door would just not budge! She had shoved and pushed and stamped her feet raw when a bewildered looking office guy carrying chai came forward and PULLED the door open. “Pull madam…not push” he said to a furiously blushing Jewel!
Midnight travels: Jewel sometimes booked train tickets for her dad. This one time he had a conference and urgently asked her to book tickets for the train at 12 in the afternoon, which she promptly did and sent an e-ticket to her dad. On arriving at the station at 12 noon, poor uncle discovered that Jewel had booked the ticket for 12 midnight the previous day! Uncle could do nothing else but sigh and thank god jewel was not born twins!
Tea Time: Jewel loves green tea and she has about a 100 boxes of it on her work desk. By evening you can see her open a box, rip the alu foil inside with a flourish and proceed to have a lovely, hot cup of tea. This one time, she felt the alu foil deserved better treatment and decided to rip it using a pen knife. She was in an animated conversation with her friend when she ripped open her finger instead of the tea bag and blood was pouring animatedly out of her! As you can imagine the tea drinking suffered for a long time!
Who’s that girl?: This one takes the cake folks! Jewel was having lunch with a friend when she looked up and spotted someone very familiar! She could not place exactly where she had seen her but she knew this girl for sure! She was so familiar, Jewel even waved at her, only to realize that she was looking at her reflection in a mirror! We all split our sides laughing at this! Our boss exclaimed “Hey don’t make fun of her! She must have been extremely hungry and hence couldn’t see well!”
Help me out quick Jewel! I need to write up part 2 of: Blooperific Buddy asap !!