Saturday, January 18, 2014

The Capsicum Wars

Dear diary

Last week I wrote about the joys of shopping at a super market. Today, I beg to differ. I discovered my positive attitude toward supermarkets had developed as a result not having visited one in over a year.
The way things can change in just 12 months is unbelievable! Gone are the days diary when supermarkets used to be all about service and comfort and need I say order! I think they thrive on competitiveness right now.
Things like grabbing the last fresh loaf of bread, reaching the top shelf to grab the discounted items and rushing to the check out counter first have become matters of national importance. I am in my late twenties as you know diary and yet I felt like a granny amongst the belligerent aunties and uncles jabbing me out of their way and tossing me about from one corner of the supermarket to the other!

You won't believe this, but all this hulabaloo started with a simple chicken curry with capsicum. Please keep in mind the capsicum, that plays a major role in my entry!
So, I drove down to the supermarket happy as a clam. And despite having to park my car 2 roads down, I was in a good mood. I picked up a trolley from the entryway and entered what I would like to politely refer to as "Hades". For one it was sweltering hot and for another it was utter chaos! I couldn't make out where the store began or ended. There was a sea of sweaty, angry people, piles of fruits and veges and for some reason diapers all over the floor (later learned that there was a special discount on diapers).

Luckily two ladies who rushed into the store shoved me into the right section. Meats. But seemed like half of the neighborhood wanted to make chicken curry as well because all that was left in the chicken counter were a couple of battered chicken wings. so what I thought. Beef with capsicum is even better. I'm generally an optimist you see so I settled for the beef (forgot for an optimistic moment that the husband hated beef!).

The veges section was controlled by lucifer himself. A sour looking sales staff who looked like he would break me in half in case I asked him where the onions were. So I asked a sweet lil ol frail looking lady next to me. To recall her exact words "what are you stupid? Can't you read?" And she brandished her walking stick at me. Turns out I was standing right in front of the "Fresh onions" sign, blocking the "sweet old (language control on!) Access as well.
The old bag kept tossing the bad onions at my face with a practiced hand and once she was done I quickly shoved a few into my cart and was immediately shoved by the crowd into the fruit section.
Post almost breaking my back slipping on a half eaten banana on the floor and having my face shoved into the overripe mangoes I bravely fought the crowd into the vege section again. Would you believe in the confusion some lazy but clever shopper had pinched my bag of onions?? The old bag was back at the onion crate so I decided to get some towards the end (well, actually, anytime after she left)
And now the best part of the story diary! The capsicum wars! There was just a single bag of capsicum left. I was halfway there when I saw a "gentleman" (nothing gentle about the way he was snarling at me!) Halfway there as well. The screen turns sepia and we stood facing each other like foes in a western (background scroe et all). My hands tightened on my cart, so did his. People flocked past us, we didn't notice. The bag of capsicum beckoned and I blinked! The man rushed his cart toward the capsicum! Cheater!! I started a split second too late! In his evident glee of victory, he accidentally ran his cart wheel over a little girl's foot. The girl dropped the ice cream she was eating. She looked at the ice cream, looked up at the monster uncle who was responsible and let out an ear splitting roar! The next thing I knew, the man was being pummeled from all sides by the girl (not tall enough so she satisfied herself by kicking at his knees) and her 2 elder (but still tiny) brothers. I couldn't help but let out a huge laugh of TRUE victory and toss my hair and get shoved all the way to the check out line. The capsicum bag safe and sound in my trolley.

I stood for an hour at the check out counter. Entertained myself with the gossip section of a magazine I usually detest. Ended up buying the magazine because it turned out to be very interesting.
I was finally flung out the door by the crowd exiting hades. I lugged my shopping bags to my car. Started the car, put the ac in full swing and let out a scream that was building up inside me for a long time. Felt so much better after that diary!

The husband's going grocery shopping the next week. Will suggest he wears armour and work on his vocabulary of bad words.
Will also suggest that the next time he gets a craving for chicken curry with capsicum, he gets some take out from the closest hotel.

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