Witches, Snitches and Plain BITCHES!

Oh god! The world of marriage is indeed fraught with peril! First of all one has to have the looks, the brains, the qualifications, the wealth and the family status. On top of that in spite of the girl having the above mentioned qualities, the guy has to eventually like her and then, decide to get married to her.
Now that itself is no easy task and the courting might go on for weeks, months or years even! And in the end the guy has all the right to dump the girl with a simple reason such as “She does not look at me with moony eyes when I talk” or “She has 2 friends who are guys!” Egad! Now those reasons are bound to give any self-respecting girl out there a major headache!
I have been through quite a few reasons as to why the guy said no to my proposal…the reasons will soon appear on my blog…guess you’ll have to wait for a bit.
It is however, not just the guy who says no on his own accord but then there a few (a very potent few though) witches, snitches and big, fat plain bitches who contribute enough dirty tales to the guy’s family to help make up their minds. These loony toones have nothing better to do in their lives except do what they do best…Bitch! Bitch! And bitch from the moment the sun comes up till whenever it is that their husbands come home and scream for his evening chaaya!
Lemme get into a bit of detail now. There are three top reasons why a person becomes a bitch, snitch or a witch (in the case of guys…bas****, snitch (no gender specification there) and warlock!) :

Reason #3: Green eyed queens
These people are just jealous of everyone around them. In my language I would call it “Psycho-Neuro-supernova-jealous syndrome”. They just cant stand anyone (be it your neighbor, be it someone they don’t even know) leading the good life! Why, they might just throw a stone at someone’s noggin just because they feel that they cross the street too nicely. These bitches are harmless, because everyone knows for a fact that they are bitches. One look at those horns on the head and green slit iris and sturdy pointed tail and there you have a green eyed queen! (They don’t make it so obvious though) but the good part is that their conviction levels are quite low. So no matter how much they chatter, no one would even give a flying fart.

Reason#2: A bloody dysfunctional family
Imagine if all one got to see everyday was a drunken husband, crazy kids and a mother or sister in law one would happily kill and go to jail for? Some bitches have this as a backing. They are so traumatized by their own hapless lives that they prey like energy vamps on the happiness quotient that they see in families around them.
I mean it’s simple to screw up someone’s family life. Let me put it as an example:
Imagine if your mum has employed a maid from a rather poor background and she sees that your family is the epitome of happiness. She can’t stand the fact that she can’t have the same happiness. How’s about a lipstick smear on daddy’s favorite shirt or hows about mummy’s favorite bracelet found under your mattress. Yeah..this would do…I suppose you get the drift right?

Reason #1: A screw loose in the head
Most bitches do not need a reason to mess up someone else’s life. They just do it because to them that’s the way of life. Now these individuals could plainly resemble an acorn that is cracked and rotten because that’s just the way they are built. Bitching runs through their veins and no matter how many transfusions one gives them, they get right back to bitching. I truly sympathize with these folks…they’re helpless. Bitching to these folks is like the air we breathe…tut tut! Now these are the dangerous ones. One can NEVER ever tell that a lady with reason #1 as an issue is actually a bitch! They would seem so sweet and lovely, that even if they bitch about you on your face, you would just brush it off saying that they were being diplomatic! Yeah! That’s how good they are!

I am a celebrity amongst the bitches in my town. I stay in a place where everyone’s business is everyone’s business. I live there like a Britney or a Paris…yeah controversies all the time…and 99.9% of the time…I hear new stories about myself everyday! What a life I lead! Imagine people speaking about me all the time! Discussing my life! Giving my life new directions I have not even explored!! Chills and thrills!
You may soon see flashbulbs setting off around me and for all you know I may be the next face of their daily mag “Good Bitchkeeping”!

(Well…those bitches are not the only ones who know the art of bitching! ;)